There is a house built out of stoneThe Cinematic Orchestra, To Build A Home (Live @ The Barbican - Video)
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home
Cause, I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust
Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed it's knees
By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me
I held on as tightly as you held onto me
Cause, I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust
Reading today about Charmaine Dragun's suicide and particularly the way it has been portrayed in the media has got me thinking about a number of issues. The concept of suffering from depression is something very close to home for many people, myself included. Dealing with a state of depression, no matter how long or short, is a trail for many. Indeed having the skills (i.e. ability) to react in a non-destructive way to a very destructive set of feelings is not easy. In my own life I have encountered situations of depression and after a lot of damn hard work I've learned to deal with these moments of blue in a constructive manner. A lot of people whom I talk to in life often note I seem "so together" or "wise"... like it magically happen all on its own. I was somewhat moved recently but Sherwin Nuland recent TED foundation talk. Here is a guy who has written some amazing books and to most people he must come across as a totally together guy and yet he went through, and still continues to, a struggle being a person in the world at a base level. When I look at my own life and hear a story like Nuland's, the common theme I find is this;
The opportunity to grow from ones struggle is greater then giving up, hiding and running away.I've always had a negative view of long term anti-depressant use as I feel that it creates dependence rather then long term life for some people. In the opportunity to fully engaged in overcoming ones demons, there is something empowering to be found. I can now look at this view and accept that someones the demons are too big and it is ok to have some help, but in the long term I believe if one can do it without drugs it can be life changing. That said, my own panics are so powerful at times I wonder how others who have a even heighten sense of panic deal with it. I now accept that there are many paths to a loving life and anti-depressants can help many people reach that state of beating that inner demons.
Throughout losing MWP as my partner is crime, I've never truly felt like giving up because like Nuland pours very personally out in his own way there is an essential truth to suicide;
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.A wise old sage once said that to me. It is so true. Life will pass in it's own course, it's a river running to the sea with it's own eb and flow. You hit tidal marks, bends, waterfalls and still moments but the water still flows. You make decisions, what channels to take, but there is always something worth exploring ahead no matter how muddy your water seems right now. To leave the river is to leave the possibility of something great, to reach the sea having become who you were born to become.
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